Paganarchy Press

[Disclaimer: I have tried to make light of last week's experience in Strathclyde Police cells but this in no way reflects the serious torment I, and my fellow G8 protestor detainees experienced. I wrote the following as my clown whilst actually in the cells and the act of writing was therapeutic for me during an intensely dehumanising experience.]

On the weekend of July 8th through July 11th, I was a very lucky clown as I was invited to the Strathclyde Police Slumber Party! I got the invitation because I hugged a fairy during a street parade. "Oh What Joy" I thought to my little clown self, excitedly anticipating party food, party games and new friends!

We did indeed play many games. I think the favourite was "Wake Up Everybody! Wake Up!" We really liked that game so much that we played it about 70 times over the weekend... Every hour on the hour "Wake Up Everybody!" It was great!

Another game we played was called "Please Sir, Can I have some more?" We played that a lot too. Whenever we wanted a glass of water or a sheet of toilet paper we played this exciting game.

All weekend we played party games and we even played tricks on each other. They played a lot of tricks on me. One trick they liked to play was "Dinner Time"... This trick involved telling me it was "Dinner Time" but instead of bringing me dinner, they brought "gloopy poopy". A very clever trick I thought. Of course, I knew it was a party trick and I didn't eat it.

When I was a young clown I onced played a trick on my clown friend. This trick involved hiding my friends clothes behind the washing machine when he was in the bath. My friend had to look for a whole 10 minutes before he found his trousers!! I think the Strathclyde police liked this trick too because they took Dr Kramer's clothes off him (except his underwear). They hid his clothes so well that he didn't get to find them the whole time we were at the slumber party!

Speaking of hiding things, one of the favourite games was "hide and seek"...Everyone played this game really well! In fact I didn't see any of the other guests at the slumber party for the whole 3 days I was there!

I must say, there were a couple of things that I didn't understand that are different from a normal slumber party. For example when my cousin had his party we all slept in the same room. But at Strathclyde Police slumber party we each had to sleep in our own room! They have a very big house you see... My room was called "Isolation Unit C, Cell 5."

Also, I wish they had told us to bring our own sheets and pillows because they didn't have any of their own but they did give me a feral duvet... Hmm, come to think of it they didn�t have any beds either. Hey maybe they had furniture too, but I didn�t see that either! Oh they do hide things ever so well.

It was a fun slumber party and I can still hear the policeman's voice saying "Wake Up Everybody! Wake Up!" ringing in my ears. I shall write to them and my solicitor friends and tell them about what a fun slumber party it was and how they could make it more fun the next time.

Bye For Now!

Major Hassles